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Reverse The Trend: Kill Your car

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Saving money on transportation is becoming more and more difficult with rising gas prices and more expensive repairs. Perhaps you are simply tired of trying. Or perhaps you feel that it is time for a new model and you need an excuse to spend the money. Either way, you are looking to kill your current car and this article is here to help you with the ten best ways!

One – Send it to the shredderRecycling does not have to be done in the goody two shoes way that you think. Sending your car to the shredder will give you the satisfaction of watching a powerful piece of metal systematically reduced to a hunk of nothing while still giving you the other satisfaction of knowing you are doing your duty for Mother Earth. Plus, shredder is just a great word. Just in general, shredders should be used in everyday life as much as possible.Two – Gut the car unmercifully

Though not as visceral as the shredder option, if you have other cars that may need working parts, you can strip your old car and use those parts to repair the rest of your fleet. To be fair, you do get to call yourself a cannibal, which redeems some of the masculinity that you lost by not sending your car to the shredder.

Three – Melt it

This option may be one of the more difficult to pull off; however, it is definitely among the most appealing. In order to melt your car, you will have to find a jet car at your local county fair, and they might not even have one. Searching the surrounding county fairs is well worth it to watch a stream of fire engulf your vehicle and send it to glory.

Four – Minigun it

Best done with a helicopter, minigunning your car is best reserved for the most masochistic of vehicle owners. This rather bloody option is reserved only for those who can prove that their vehicle became sentient and actually tried to kill them during the tenure of ownership.

Five – Use a 25 mm gun if you cannot find a minigun

Miniguns are notoriously difficult for civilians without black market connections to obtain. However, a 25 mm has better circulation, seeing as it is standard for Bradley fighting vehicles. Like a minigun, a 25 mm can actually cause a car to explode, so you really aren’t losing out on much with either option.

Six – Demolition it

One of the more painful and slower deaths for your vehicle would be through the spectacle of a demolition derby. If your car is still mobile, you can take it to a derby to be killed by other drivers who will relish the opportunity to act like crazed bullies on fresh meat.

Seven – Thermite disintegration

Thermite to metal is like termites to wood. Thermite is a compound that breaks down very quickly into pure iron and high amounts of heat when catalyzed by heat. Cover your car in thermite, light it up and watch the fun.

Eight – Donate it to a college

If your car wasn’t really evil to you, you can donate it to a college so that they can transform it into something new and possibly better. You may also be doing yourself a favor: You never know if that student will end up being your mechanic someday.

Nine – Race it in the 24 Hours of LeMons

LeMons races are races with cars that are worth less than $500. If your car is somehow worth less than $500 yet still able to be driven, you can eek out its last few miles of life at LeMons.

Ten – Do it yourself

If you can’t find a minigun and a helicopter or a LeMons race near you, then just DIY it like a real man. Take your car out to a dirt road and do everything that your mom and the cops won’t let you. Redline. Drift. Screech tires. Give yourself the pleasure of driving your car like you know it was supposed to be driven before its spirit leaves this earth.

About the Author

Jessica Atlass is a mother of two and loves to blog about personal finance amongst many other things. If you are looking for car insurance tips & information, you can read her articles on GetInsuranceQuotes.ca.

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